WE'LL CALL HIM PETE

I remember it was gay pride 2002
all my friends were eagerly dressed to party in the streets
I was walking 5th avenue
brushing up against the chicken hawks or anyone else I could meet
my clothes were slept in,
the redneck from Texas was dried up on my chest
I was too much of a mess to score
as the junkie hustling whore role that I played best

Ed screamed out my name at 12th st
and pushed through the crowd to lift me up and spin me around
he held me against his hard body,
his lips against my ear and said, "I got some heroin and ecstasy if you're down"
"come on, baby, let's go to the pier,
and dance by the water and be happy we're gay!"
I had started off just looking
for a trick with drugs or cash and a place to stay...

Ed put the ecstasy in my mouth
right in front of the cops who were too busy keeping the peace
to notice the broken law
we threw in their faces with precision and expertise
we took off our shirts and joined the parade
for Ed I'd always walk the extra mile, the two of us were always super sized
like two half naked poster children
for the modern homo lifestyle holding hands as we skipped off into our demise

we were old pros with confidence
never even thought about the evidence
thinking we were invincible...
and behaving with negligence...

we were over-doing it
and Ed had just been released from a two month stay in a hospital bed
and so we blinded up our blinders
in those days we weren't frightened of overdosing or being dead
we excused the thought politely
and held on tightly like we were strapped into some thrill ride
with our whole lives to kill, we bought more pills
and saddled up on to a white horse named suicide

the Hudson river rolled by
and we rolled through the people dressed in their glitter and drags
we stumbled and laughed
and winked at the all the men and kissed and teased at the fags

the city was pumping all around us
echoing off the buildings and I was in love with the drugs
and I was in love with Ed and his friend Pete
as they held me under their wings and smothered me with kisses and hugs

like guests of honor puking on the floor
we stumbled on and kept doing more with an embrace, a handshake and a shove
the day was a reckless drug-fest
mistaking it for a sense of pride and mistaking it for love

poster of a boy, an accidental broken figurine
the night closed in along with the Methedrine
the ecstasy, heroin and methamphetamine
was a life style that I had often seen...

somewhere along the way we lost Pete
thinking he'd probably had someone to meet
he got lost in the chaotic streets
or maybe to go find another treat

Ed pulled out the heroin by the water's edge
and we snorted it up as we sat on the ledge
and then rolled around and almost fell off the edge
thinking we could never fail on our earned cred...

I confused the dusk with the sunrise
as the lights went dark in my eyes
and the glaze came over our faces like disguise
and at that exact moment I could never realize
how lost we were....

and red roses fell from the sky
and the static filled our ears and our eyes
and our skin was wet and our mouths were dry
and at that there moment I was ready to die

and then he held me close with his lips pressed
tightly against my neck and chest
and said, "out of all of them, Jonny, you're the best"
so I forgot that we were in a love fest

and the crowds fell away into the river
as the high became ours with a breath and a shiver
and our breath became a gasp and a quiver
and there was no way we could ever deliver

and we walked up the west side highway
avoiding eye contact with the police officers
and drowning ourselves in cheap liquor
and spitting on the new condos and offices....

and then suddenly we heard the story of an overdose
that happened down on Christopher street
and we asked the police for a name and info
for reasons which they didn't know

we set off on our own
useless beyond stoned
wondering if Pete was still alone
and if he'd find his way home

only to find along the way
that it was Pete who had lived his last day
and was dead somewhere on Christopher street
probably covered with a sheet

and we looked at each other and wondered why
we had just been with him and we were all high
so blind to see how easy it is to die
without even a chance to say good bye

we cried on each other and headed to Ed's
at this point ourselves feeling like we were dead
collapsing on his dirty bed
trying to remember every word Pete had ever said

.....
don't miss those days
and they're all a haze
I prefer to think of it all as a phase
and thank god I still have my days...

thank god I still have my life.